23920

was doing assignment… felt sleepy at 1:45… postponed the rest of it to tomorrow and went to bed… it’s 4 am now and haven’t yet gotten sleep… feeling totally lousy in life…

long time since i have been so worried in life… life was going on pretty well… was managing decently… then this arbit woresht thing (don’t ask me about it now) comes up and throws everything off gear… and there are so many other things to tackle… opinions… beliefs… whatever… life is really at its pits now…

sleep cycle is off schedule ever since i put a nightout 10 days back and my parents didn’t allow me to make up for it… and it doesn’t look like i can get back to normal for another 10 days at least… so much else to do… and so many other commitments…

life’s never been so lousy…

two of clubs

IIMB has this stupid system of “clubs”. every non-academic activity that happens on campus is organized by one of the numerous freeriding “clubs” on campus. There are elaborate selection processes (where we put 2 nightouts taking arbit interviews only to select candidates arbitly in the end). And there are maajor intra-club and inter-club politics that take place. And one is not free to do any extra-curricular activity one wants on campus because it would be a part of the “charter” of one of the clubs so you would be “treading on their feet” to do it (it is another matter that the point is simply there in the charter and no one actually does anything about it).

I was passionate about doing a couple of events this year and decided that the best way to do it was to join the club which is supposed to do it. when the club decided to split up its activities among members, i’ve taken full ownership of these things i’m passionate about…

Now, i’m saddled with this arbit work and that arbit work which someone else is incharge of but i “need to be there to help out”. lots of arbit crap. which i’m least interested in. it’s like “buy a dog and get a white elephant free.”

Feeling woresht about it now.

hophelezzz…

Yesterday i suddenly got a call from KK and suddenly remembered our “hophelezzzz gang” in school… we used to be a group of 6 guys who used to hang around together. and we even had a

just figured out that the 6 of us are in 6 different places: West Lafayette, Jamshedpur, cardiff, delhi, hyd, b’lore now…

how time flies…

large project groups

the last time i was part of a huge project group was when 17 of us tried to simulate a superscalar processor back in 7th semester in IIT. That being a tech project, it could be easily split up and 6 sub-groups did our respective parts. the final integration took time but still it went pretty well….

i’m now doing this other project here with 16 people in the team. somehow no enthu to work. this being “hardcore management” stuff, it can’t be split up easily. still we’ve made arbitrary cuts and split it up among ourselves. and no one seems to be having the enthu to do a good job. after all, if you do a bad job, half hte class will get screwed, so why worry seems to be the attitude…

done about half an hour of work till now. don’t hope to do more than another half hour of work.

going to be censored…

this journal, i believe is being read by more people than i had imagined (i’ve been using comments as a fair guesstimate of the number of people reading this). today i found out that some teachers in my school have been reading it. and now my parents also want to read it.

from now on, i guess a certain degree of censorship is going to be exercised. a lot of entries will go “friends-only” (including old ones). of course, there might be the odd public post… but i still recommend you to register with livejournal and add me as a friend…

moral of the story: popularity stifles creativity…

marketing vs production…

what do you do when an opportunity comes knocking loudly on the door? and you aren’t prepared? when the marketers of a company sense what would be a great opportunity to sell an exotic product? and the manufacturing division isn’t exactly excited about this customer? because this product will affect the rest of the manufacturing unit’s schedules?

is it the moral obligation of the manufacturers to make whatever the marketers tell them to do? are the marketers the real bosses since it is they who contribute to the cash flow? is it ethical on the part of marketers to go ahead and promise the moon to customers without actually getting to know whether the production guys are interested?

during my internship at JP Morgan, i remember marketers actually going up to traders and shouting at them for not giving a good price on a product on which they could’ve made millions..

hmmm….

lack of enthu

nowadays i seem to be having an opinion on many things… from the parking ban near schools to removal of parking fees to Narayan Rane’s expulsion to whatever else… but somehow by the time i come round to write about it i would’ve lost the enthu…

i think this is the reason my blog is looking so empty nowadays…

perennially high…

i seem to be on a perennial high nowadays… i think it all started on the 15th of march, after a particular fateful L^2 party… my confidence in myself seems to have shot up… i seem to have become more arrogant… i haven’t been depressed once in this period… i have become more pragmatic… i have hardly lost my cool (except on a couple of occasions at JPM)… even a couple of drops of alcohol have been enuff to send me really high… (in fact the other day i got damn high that i had zipped at 70 kmph on the way from home to college… one of those rare days when the ring road was empty… )

in short, i’ve been generally feeling hajaar good about myself over this period… some things which i thought i can never live without have become dispensable now… certain relationship lines have been redrawn… i’ve stopped getting unduly worried in life…

i’ve become extremely aggressive… along with this has come arrogance… perhaps this side of me was seen last around five years ago when i had just cracked the JEE… in this period of time i’ve rejected a job… overloaded myself for this term in order to do “all courses which i like”…

coming to think of it, this thing hasn’t happened after any specific event… just one arbit party on campus which changed so much? should be something more to it…

however, sometimes i wonder if this is all a bubble which will burst at any point of time… however i’m sure that i’ll be well prepared for it (hopefully). there’s bound to be a time when i find myself that i ahve too much to do my hands… i start losing sleep… health suffers… everything else goes down along with it…

interesting… hmmm…. 🙂

songs….

Fanaa, Yuva – A R Rahman
Khuda Hafiz, Yuva – A R Rahman
The Unforgiven II – Metallica
The House That Jack Built – Metallica
Afraid to Shoot Strangers – Iron Maiden
When the Smoke is Going Down – Scorpions
When a Blind Man Cries – Deep Purple
Bin Tere Sanam – DJ Suketu

Each of these songs remind me of one of the most unglorious chapters of my life which took place between nine and eleven months ago.

I still like to listen to them.

Why???