The Page Three Principle

This article was written in the inaugural (and perhaps only) issue of Total Perspective Vortex, the ?other magazine? of IIT Madras. It was my first ever piece of non-slanderous writing, and surprisingly, even two years down the line I?m fairly proud of it. And I believe Madhur Bhandarkar got his inspiration for his movie after reading this article of mine.

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Jai

It is one of those words like ‘set’. It can be a noun, verb, adjective or adverb. The reason you don’t find it in any dictionary is because the lexicographists (or whatever) are too lazy to list out all its meanings and connotations. The reason it is not used very widely is that most people are not able to comprehend its profundity, and hence are afraid to use it.

The most commonly used form of the word is as a noun, more specifically as a proper noun. It is a quite common first name, especially in North India. Famous people with the name include that loser hero in Sholay who used a coin with heads on both sides so that he could die, thus avoiding marrying a widow! Then, there was this supposed “excellent all-rounder” called Jai P Yadav, unfortunately for whom Souravda got sacked as captain at the wrong time.

Another noun form in which the word is used is in a context such as “jai happens”. I’m not too sure though whether this should be classified as noun or adverb (could someone good at English enlighten me?). “Jai happens” is one of those really unmitigated sentences which manages to capture a lot of meaning in just two short words. This phrase was thus invented so that one could save the trouble of saying a whole paragraph when one could use just two words. It is for this very reason that I can’t explain the meaning of this phrase here. Guess it would suffice if i say that it is a very potent phrase.

Then, there is the commonly used verb form, where it is approximately synonymous with death. Something like “Rajiv Gandhi jai” implies Rajiv Gandhi is no more. Another common usage as a verb is “FTSA Assignment Jai” which means that the FTSA Assignment is so tough that you’re giving up on it. Once again, note that it is not synonymous with death, it is much more insightful than that. The whole reason for the word to exist.

This time, I’m sure that it is an adverb when I use it in the context of “Atticus Finch told jai”. Note that in certain contexts it can be used interchangeably with “Atticus Finch jai”. However, this is a restricted usage, as “Atticus Finch told Jai” has more connotations than just Atticus Finch dying. The most commonly used context where you say that is when Atticus Finch was supposed to meet you, probaby to team up with you in a quiz, or to give you money and suddenly decides not to turn up.

The least used form of this word, however, is as an adjective. It can be used in the context of “this is a Jai assignment”, where jai stands for “extremely tough” or “killing”. However, this is so complex a form that very few people have actually managed to understand the word in this context, thus leading to the low usage.

I have tried my best to explain to you the great insights that this simple three-letter word offers but I must confess that the English language is hardly sufficient to delve into the intricacies of it. I tender my humble apologies for the same. Oh no, I had almost forgotten to tell you one of the most important (and popular) usages of this word.

Bhaarat maata ki jai!

Statement of purposelessness

Dear Recruiter,
One thing that gives me a lot of kick in life is to learn new things. Ever since I was a kid, when my over-zealous dad used to make me mug a lot of ?general knowledge books?, I have always wanted to know more about the world. Most of what I have done, both academic and outside, have been driven by this desire to learn.

Learning has driven both my academic life, and has also defined my major hobby which is quizzing. The thing about quizzing is that not only do you learn more, you also sharpen your logical reasoning skills. The way senior level quizzing happens, just knowing stuff doesn?t help. You?ll need to use what you know in order to ?work out? the answer, in the process using logic and reasoning and logical reasoning.

Coming back to acads, I decided to go to IIT because a knowledgeable uncle told me that the best learning among all colleges in India happens at the IITs. Learnt a lot in class in IIT but since it was the first time I was living alone, I also learnt a lot outside of class. Towards the end of my BTech I had the option of learning more about less or less about more. I chose the latter and landed up in B School.

IIMB has been a wonderful experience, and the learning has been strong. Given that investment banking was ?hot? when I was in my first term, I went to JP Morgan in London for my summer internship. However, once I was there I figured out that there was not much to be learnt there. After I had digested the swaps module in the first week, there was nothing new in the job. So the PPO I hadn?t worked too hard for was sent down the Thames.

Having returned from my internship, I started talking to a variety of people and the feedback I got was that the job that can provide maximum learning is a consultancy job. I figured out that a consultancy job will provide me enough exposure to a variety of roles and industries and would provide me more than enough learning to keep me interested. I have even met consultants who have worked for over a dozen years who tell me that they still learn a lot on the job.

The thing that differentiates your company from your competitors is that you?re just setting up an office in India. Working in a young office means greater responsibility even for an associate consultant, and consequently greater learning. I also reckon that a portion of my work at your place would be in business development, which won?t happen at your competitors. Hence I’m extremely excited about joining you.

Given all this, I think yours is the best firm for me to start my career in. I believe that the learning that it would offer is superior to what any other firm would offer, irrespective of the industry. On my side, my superior analytical and logical reasoning skills, combined with my appetite for learning, means there is a good chance I?ll be a good consultant. You can check out my attached CV for examples of my skils.

I request you to recruit me. I promise to be a good employee and an asset to your organization. I also promise not to form any unions (I guess the fact that I’m neither Mallu nor Bong implies that). My intellect and madness will also help contribute to the diversity of your Delhi office.

Thanks and regards,
Karthik

Those darned contact lenses…

This is an old piece. I wrote it a couple of years back. Then I had thought that this is so good it might win a prize in some creative writing competition I might attend. Given that I’m almost done with my student life and it’s unlikely I’ll be taking part in any creative writing stuff, I thought I’ll put it up

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last post of the year

The last day of 2005 began with my mom shaking me up at 8:30 saying
she’s too lazy to make breakfast so I should quickly go fetch it from
somewhere. And if i delayed it would be troublesome for my diabetic
dad. Got set dosa and vada from Vasudev Adigas Food Line in Jayanagar
8th Block. Dosa was too salty but vada was good stuff.

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money for nothing… and chicks for rent…

Have noticed this strange phenomenon in the course of the last one and a half years. Something vinod bhaskaran has christened “rental”. Rental of girlfriend/boyfriend I mean. Becomes especially significant in a place like IIMB where most people live in hostel and away from their near and dear ones.

According to Vinod, rental can be described as a process where a girl and a guy get really close to each other (as close as two people who are gf-bf) but both know that there is no chance of a permanent settlement. Typically at least one of them is already committed, which helps clearly define the terms of the contract.

Have seen quite a few instances of such rentals here in IIMB. First instance I saw was between a classmate with a bf abroad and a senior with a gf in bombay. Then, this other classmate, with a bf in Delhi, has entered into rental agreements with not one but THREE guys in my class. And now that all three of them are out on exchange, she’s entered into a short-term contract with a FOURTH guy. Mahabharata rocks!

The most weird thing i’ve seen with this female who’s actually reasonably close to me. She has an on-campus bf and they’re going really strong. Now, for the past month he was busy organizing a fest and she decided to take his best friend on rent!

For an ‘outsider’ who has never entered this kind of contracts, it seems really funny. But i guess there must be some logic to this. Too lazy to figure it out though!

Yeah, and I think a few people I’ve referred to in this post might be reading this. Researching armor.

Yet another movie

Vera,

I think it is time to tell you a saucerful of secrets. I have been on the run of late but after you defended me at the trial last week, there seem to be signs of life.

Remember a day, at the grand vizier?s garden party at Grantchester Meadows, when I was marooned, and lost for words?
When I was anything but fearless and just
short of suffering from brain damage?
When all I wanted to do was to run like
hell
? And then you were in, riding a
pillow of winds
, to defend me? When you asked me to just have a cigar while you took them on?

The echoes of that see-saw debate still haunt me. It had such a dramatic theme that even though it lasted just four minutes, I could see that the difference between us and them was like apples and oranges. When Corporal Clegg quoted Chapter 24, I felt comfortably numb and I went to meet mother. Though there was nobody home, it was definitely a great day for freedom.

After you
helped me get outside the wall, I
feel as if I?m coming back to life. At
last, I seem to have enough time to breathe. Now, I want to keep talking to you! The show must go on.

Hey you! It would be so nice if you don?t
leave me now
. When you are in, I
know they would be the happiest days of
our lives
. It is true that we are poles
apart
, but I have high hopes that
we can easily fill up each other?s empty
spaces
.

More about it
when we meet in the flesh. Till then,
shine on, you crazy diamond! And
don?t forget to speak to me.

Wish you were here!
Arnold Layne

PS: One of these days, I want to go on an interstellar overdrive and want to
borrow a bike, preferably a new machine. Any color you like. You can take
it back
whenever you want. What
do you want from me
in return? Not money, I
hope!