So the basic premise of this post is that being in a romantic relationship is like studying at IIT.
Everyone wants to get into IIT. They do thipparlaaga to try and get in. They join expensive coaching classes. Some of them even move cities. They wait for several years giving multiple attempts. People work extremely hard. Still, success is not guaranteed. There is that luck factor. There is the day’s performance that matters. Some days are important than others. Cracking the JEE is a “discrete” job.
While preparing for JEE, everyone thinks that if they clear the exam, their life is made. They come under the impression that after JEE, life will become smooth. That they won’t need to put any fight for the rest of their lives. That all that matters for their future is their cracking the JEE. And so forth.
It’s only after people come to IIT that they realize that life is not the cakewalk they assumed it to be. It is only after they get there that they realize that life after JEE is quite hard. That it is necessary to work hard. That if they don’t work hard, they will do very badly, and might flunk. It is only when they get to IIT that it hits them. Some learn quickly but others get disillusioned and give up in life. Several people do badly. Some even drop out.
So it’s similar with a romantic relationship. Everyone wants to get into a romantic relationship. Everyone looks only about the “entrance examination”. Everyone believes (before they get in) that life ban jaayegi after they get into a relationship. And getting into a relationship is a “discrete” job. It’s about how you “perform” during those blading sessions. It takes that bit of luck. It takes those set of fateful events to happen together in that precise coincidence.
And it is only when you get into a relationship that you realize how hard it is (provided you haven’t been there before). It is like being in IIT all over again. You know that you will need to work really hard to keep it going (applies to both parties). It is a continuous job, and you need to continuously “perform”. The randomness is much smaller than it is during the “relationship acquisition” phase. However, you necessarily need to work hard. There is no “stud way out”. Some people give up when they find this out and break up (drop out). Others understand and put in the requisite effort and sustain the relationship. And continue to work hard.
The thing with arranged marriages is that you are typically forced to commit as soon as you’re done with “evaluating” the other person. You don’t get to test the counterparty on their ability to work hard and keep things going. It is like offering someone a job as soon as he has cleared the JEE.
And I wonder if one can draw an analogy between marriage and (academic) tenure.
ok, so whats with all the talk about arranged marriage now? 😀
From my experience, I thought only arrange marriage go through this, but its pretty much the same with love marriage too. No matter how much you know each other before, one has to work hard to make the marriage work. Any marriage is no bed of roses. Ladies, don’t be fooled by those mushy M&B novels 🙂
Ps. I thought this post was going to be about that latest incident regarding the IIT dude and the Naga girl (RIP).
haven’t been following the papers so no clue about that incident.
and i think the difference between love and arranged marriages are overhyped. they are fundamentally the same. it’s only the boundary condition (how you meet each other) that is different
heh, nice post. i knew my odds of getting to study computer science were so poor, given that i’m of the higher caste and all that (apart from a slew of other reasons), that i decided to stop studying for the iit exam 8 months into 11th standard. stop studying of course meant to discontinue attending those iit tuition classes 🙂
best decision i ever made.
good for you! great to realize such things early and not waste time.
Your analogy is a stretchhhh. But well written.
I have a different model for explaining ‘love vs arranged marriage”. It maps well to “Active vs Passive” portfolio management policies
in the investment world.
Active (Love-marriage) portfolio mgmt has most potential for spectacular success and failure. You need to constantly search for
potential dates (stocks), while you are more likely to the meet wonderful dates(girls). And once you find them, you hold on to them
as long as they keep you happy. Its emotionally taxing most of the time but potentially highly enjoyable.
Passive (Arranged-marriage) portfolio mgmt is like buying low-cost index funds. Either you realize from the get go that you are not
likely to find the great investments or you try your hand at active management and fail, then switch to passive management out of
desperation.
Similar to love vs arranged marriages, the portfolio mgmt strategies may result in buyers remorse over time.
Where after a couple of decades of passive mgmt, you wish you had tried out active management or vice-versa (if you failed romantically).
i think the difference between love and arranged marriages are overhyped. they are fundamentally the same. it’s only the boundary condition (how you meet each other) that is different. once you are into the relationship it’s all the same
“Everybody wants to get into IIT”
Really?
well, yeah, almost
“While preparing for JEE, everyone thinks that if they clear the exam, their life is made. They come under the impression that after JEE, life will become smooth. That they won’t need to put any fight for the rest of their lives. That all that matters for their future is their cracking the JEE. And so forth.”
I was a victim of this….. or of whatever..
but after reading this, I sort of am thinking about (what’s new) doing something ‘discrete’, instead of usual inaction/void. well, hope so!
what do you mean? explain your comment. i didn’t understnd
Well done! This is precisely what most people don’t understand while “getting into an IIT”. And once they “get into IIT” they’d like to believe everything else is settled. Neglect grades, and finally “drop out”. Sigh! Wish people “getting into an IIT” knew what it takes to “graduate with a decent GPA”.
i wonder if once people drop out once, they’ll realize the next time. somehow don’t think it’s the case
>> “Everyone wants to get into IIT. They do thipparlaaga to try and get in.”
Narrow view! There are some folks who wouldn’t want to go to IITs even if JEE is waived and seat if offered for free…